(400 million people are expected to gather at the confluence of the Ganga, Yamuna, and Saraswati rivers near the city of Prayagraj for a holy dip from January 13 to February 26, 2025. This 45-day festival is called Kumbh Mela. I will be visiting it from February 1-5, 2025.)
Why should I discuss “confronting fear”? On January 29th, a stampede occurred at the Kumbh Mela during one of its most auspicious days. More than 30 million people had already gathered near the confluence by 1 AM on that day. Unfortunately, more than 30 people died in this mishap. It was a devastating tragedy. While I was grief-stricken, many friends reached out to check on my safety and expressed their concern for my well-being. At the time of the stampede, I was in Mumbai and unaffected by the tragedy. The administration quickly contained the situation. I plan to travel tomorrow for five days as per my original plan.
I want to assure you that I remain undaunted and would like to share my journey of confronting fear.
It was Friday, December 14, 2018. I eagerly anticipated attending a social event at a quaint church in Farmington Hills, a Detroit suburb. During the event, my breathing suddenly became labored, and a sharp pain shot through my heart. I was having a heart attack. What followed was standard protocol. An ambulance arrived promptly; I was rushed to the nearest hospital, where doctors inserted a stent. What wasn’t routine, however, was my unusual state of mind: I felt no anxiety about the future, no questioning of “what” or “why,” no yearning to live, no fear of dying. It never crossed my mind that I might not see my wife’s serene face or my children again. It was not routine that I was joking with my surgeon, while I was on the surgery table. I was lucky. I was simply oblivious to the fear.

Two years later, our friend Manoj suddenly dropped a bombshell on our close friends’ WhatsApp group. His wife Jyothi, a Vedant teacher, had been diagnosed with stage-four cancer and given no more than a year to live. It was a stark and desolate message, the kind that sucker-punches you and leaves us all reeling, struggling to process the information. After sharing this news, Manoj posted her recent Zoom recording (1). In the video, her voice was calm and peaceful with the demeanor of unwavering assurance. She smiled even while describing her excruciating pain, her eyes brightening as she spoke about death. She stated, “Birth and death are two sides of the same coin. Since one cannot exist without the other, death should be celebrated as much as birth.” I had never heard of such an open, transparent, unabashed and blatant “celebration” of death. Her words were profound. “Since we don’t know when death will appear at our doorstep,” she continued, “we should transcend time by focusing solely on the present moment, letting go of past and future.”
But, wait a minute! I’m not Jyothi! I’m not enlightened! These techniques are challenging to practice, despite my earnest efforts. The journey remains long and arduous. As a first step, I’ve begun to confront and embrace pain and fear directly. During my long-distance backpacking trips, I regularly envision a snake slithering into my sleeping bag. Will this mental preparation help me overcome anxiety and fear on the trail? Can I maintain composure in such situations? I’ve started openly sharing my experience with a “widow-maker” heart attack, both verbally and in writing. I’ve also had candid conversations about mortality and death with my wife Anjali and our children. These explorations of fear and death continue.
Then I embarked solo on the 2,200-mile Appalachian Trail with a strong support of my wife. I had a long list of fears. The fears were numerous: another “widow-maker” heart attack in a remote area, complications with my metal knee replacement, gout attacks, a frozen left shoulder, potential skull fracture on Pennsylvania’s treacherous boulders, the impending emergence of billions of cicadas, the solitude of hiking alone, encounters with poisonous rattlesnakes and camouflaged copperheads, bear confrontations, rats in shelters, bee stings, and tick-borne diseases. The list seemed endless.

Through mental training, I systematically bulldozed these fears. Period.
A fearless mind revealed an unexpectedly beautiful world. I observed the glossy-coated bear with wonder, listened to snake rattles as attentively as beloved Bollywood melodies, and walking on the trail itself became a life-time experience! Fearless mind also taught me to live in the moment! No anxieties of the future, no concerns of the past! 1-1, 2-2, 3-3, one breath, one step at a time! Literally! Without realizing it, I had internalized the challenging yogic practice of living in the present moment.
Now I face the sobering reality of the Kumbh Mela stampede as I prepare for my own journey there. Will I have a life-time experience, or will it all be swept away in my fear? Will I achieve self-discovery, or will the crowds cloud my mind? Should I embrace the experience of immersing myself in the Ganges while honoring my ancestors, or should I skip the dip in Ganga? Will I have no stress, no fear, no scare, full focus, full fun and extreme alert, or my mind will be filled with unnecessary anxiety?
What do you think?
– Nitin Anturkar (January 31st, 2025)
– Jyothi’s video on “Disease, Distress and Death”:
Very well written Nitin.
Most of decisions get guided or at least influenced by fear. In my opinion, there are three fundamental fears (and there are 4-6 secondary fears) that drive our mindset. These three fears are: Fear of death (own death or that of near & dear ones), Fear of Poverty ( not being able to live life with the level of comfort we have gotten used to) and fear of criticism (what will others say).
When one overcomes these fears, the life has “No Limits”.
As the great Saint Ramadas Swami said in मनाचे श्लोक
भये व्यापले सर्व ब्रह्मांड आहे
भयातीत तो सन्त अनन्त पाहे
You have been on a journey to conquer these fears. I am sure Kumbh-Mela is another step in that journey.
I wish you all the best and an enjoyable physical, material and spiritual experience in Prayagraj.
Mandar
I think you have surpassed all fears. So kymbhmela will be another milestone of your spiritual journey.
Wishing you all the best in your endeavours. You will be back in normal condition to write another story for us to go through.
To accept fear and yet be free of it… what a daunting concept! Your journey is par excellence. Best Wishes to you, Sir.
Isn’t it interesting that
Both FAITH and FEAR
demand YOU to BELIEVE
in something YOU CAN’T SEE
I think you are on the way to ‘self realisation’.
Looking forward to hear your ‘kumbh’ experiences.