Unusual Course: Landmark Forum

I took a leap of faith and went through the Landmark Forum course (previously known as EST) approximately five weeks ago. It is neither a training nor a “how to” class. It is not about improving one’s habits. It is not a “cult” or spiritual preaching. It is not a group therapy. It does not deliver knowledge. There were no notes to be taken and nothing was comparable to my previous training of any kind. But still it was 4+12+12+12+4 = 44 hours (over five days) of intense engagement on zoom call for the price of $675 with just one solitary coach. OK, then what the fxxx was this course about?

Before the course began, I was asked “What would I like to improve in myself”? What could be my blind spots? That process of self-evaluation was not simple. I have a tight-knit and robust relationship not only with Anjali and kids, but also with mine and Anjali’s siblings, nephews and nieces. In general, I am a happy person who likes to keep a child in me alive. Yes, I feel the pain, get depressed and engulf myself in sorrow. But I am usually aware of my emotions and maybe therefore, I somehow overcome them.

Eventually I figured out my main deficiency. I am an undisciplined fellow and do not stick to routine. There are two undesirable outcomes of such indiscipline. First, I do not complete every one of my projects or assignments. Second, I eat more than I desire, expect, plan or decide. If this course would provide me with “discoveries” or “aha” moments to plug such holes, that would be a fantastic improvement in my life.

The course started building through a series of 2–3-hour sessions. Topic is introduced briefly by the coach with very few examples. She would then challenge the attendees to go through a real personal exercise. For example, we had a session on facts, impressions of facts and fiction. Our mind continuously mixes them up. One attendee lady neither had the courage to divorce nor could she live happily in the marriage. She was encouraged to have a dialogue with her husband during the break. When she reported back to the whole group, she continued to intermix her plain dialogue from her various emotional impressions of the dialogue. She had a tough, iterative, long discussion with the coach to separate emotions from facts in front of all of us.

There were many other sessions, such as forgetting one’s past, living in the present, taking actions NOW even if they are uncomfortable, staying away from biases, becoming honest and authentic in one’s interactions with family members and colleagues. The culminating session was about how life is empty and meaningless (and how one can give it a meaning that one DESIRES .. because it is meaningless to start with). 

In contrast to the other attendees, I was already exposed to these concepts. I had briefly read material on Hindu philosophy, such as Vedas, Upanishads and Bhagavad Gita. But that was just a theory. Practicing such concepts is a whole different matter. For example, I cannot live in present even for two seconds. My thoughts constantly jump from some useless mundane stuff to solving world hunger. Surprisingly, the group sharing in this course of such complex concepts was something totally different.

It was an absolute honor to have so many attendees share their deep personal experiences live with us during the course. The narration of experiences involved tortuous crying, emotional outbursts, exposure of deep wounds and laying bare stories of one’s entire life to 70 strangers. Yes, for any outsider, it looked like a cult gathering, psychological group therapy and a strange meeting with some evangelical priest. But for me, it was Hindu philosophical concepts in practice. The practitioners were not those long-bearded sadhus dressed in Saffron clothes. They were ordinary and vulnerable whites, Hispanics and blacks who had never ever heard about Hindu philosophy.

But wait. Did I plug my holes? Did I discover myself to become a disciplined individual? No, I did not. That self-discovery or “aha” moment never occurred for me. Apparently, I will continue to eat merrily to my heart’s (and stomach’s) content. Weight reduction will continue to be not (a sugar-laden) cup of tea for me. I will continue to move from one assignment to another like a butterfly. Oh well, life will go on. Meanwhile, awareness of empty and meaningless life in the group setting did remind me again that I should pause before succumbing myself to any emotions. I rediscovered that it is fun to see my own emotions as a third person. That “journey” of self-awareness continues! For this one reason, it was worth going through the course for me.

Should you do this course? I do not know. It depends on your affordability for time and money, the stage at which you are in your life, and your acceptance to delve into such esoteric concepts. Otherwise, of course, you can look in the mirror (literally and figuratively), look around to see your own blind spots and move on with your life! And that works too!

Nitin Anturkar (August 2022)